Posted in Faith Findings, Rantings

Forge On or Shake the Dust?

I had my feelings hurt this week…don’t be worried about me though…I’m a big girl. I can take it.

What I can’t seem to get over though is where the issue lies. Is it with me? Is it with the other person? Is it insecurities of my past or in who I am? Is it insecurities on the other side? I’ve often felt as though it’s my duty to give an account or an excuse for my actions and decisions. I ALWAYS try to base my decisions upon what God wants for me and for my family. I know that the decision I made was right, justified and exactly the decision that needed to be made. I can be strong in that decision BECAUSE I know that I sought God’s direction in it.
Does that mean it will be easy to live that decision out? No. Does that mean it will always be clean and neat and handsomely packaged? No. Does that mean everyone else will understand the decision I made? Unfortunately no.
Do I forge ahead and try to maintain what is left of a friendship hanging by the threads or is this where I’m supposed to shake the dust and move on? Is it supposed to be this much work? I know relationships are hard, but do I keep setting myself up for continual punishment? I don’t want to walk away, but is that what I’m SUPPOSED to do?
What happens when both people are doing their best to walk in the Truth and yet still can’t see eye to eye? Do you agree to disagree? I was ready to do so…but is that the right thing to do?
Cutting ties is hard when you love someone. I guess all I can say is that I love you and I hope one day you can learn to forgive me for the decision I made, but I will not apologize for that decision.
Posted in Faith Findings

"Hello Friend!"

Wow…over a year? Really? Has it been that long? Well I guess it goes without saying that life has been crazy, busy and full. It’s also brought a lot of great things about…and in this week some not so great. It’s been so crazy that I haven’t really had much time to reflect. To reflect on who I am, my faith, or on anything really.

This week I lost a friend. She was a friend from college whom everyone loved. She had a spunky personality and was filled with unbreakable joy. Now I know that when someone close to you dies everyone talks about how great they were and often overidolize that person, but that’s really not the case here. She truly ALWAYS had a smile on her face. Smiley Kylee. She greeted everyone she met with the same greeting, “Hello Friend!”

Kylee Boden went to be with the Lord this past Wednesday. She was pregnant with her forth baby and passed out. They rushed her to the hospital where she had an emergency C-Section and baby Caleb was born. He was a few weeks early, but otherwise healthy. Kylee never woke up to welcome her new baby into this world. She never got to hear him cry. Never got to kiss his perfectly soft and warm forehead. Never got to hold him in her arms. They said she had a stroke due to preeclampsia.

This is only supposed to happen in the movies. Not to people I know. Not to someone I called friend. How is this fair?

It’s not. But life isn’t fair right? At least not in this life. Fairness can’t be defined by our culture. We as Americans DEFINITELY can’t define it. But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post…one that I won’t wait a year to post. In the meantime I trust that God IS fair and just. I trust that Kylee has walked through the gates of heaven after seeing her name in the Book of Life with a big fat check mark next to it. Jesus is standing there greeting her saying, “Hello friend…well done my good and faithful servant.”