I think today was probably the hardest day emotionally I have EVER been through. I woke up this morning and noticed I was bleeding when I went to the bathroom. I called the OB I was planning on using and since I wasn’t yet a patient there wasn’t much he could do for me. So I called my physician and he told me to go straight to Urgent Care. I waited there for over an hour for them to tell me that I had to go to the ER because I needed an ultrasound and they didn’t have one…yeah thanks for making me wait for OVER AN HOUR! I broke down right there in the waiting room. The nurse wasn’t going to let me leave. I had to lie to her and tell her that Mike was meeting me at the ER (He wanted desperately to be there, but it’s Spring Break and he couldn’t get ahold of my mom to come watch the boys). I was the ER for FIVE HOURS and had blood tests, urine tests, ultrasounds (TWO!), and waited and waited and waited.
I don’t think I have EVER approached the throne of God the way I did today. I have in the past told God that I would have the faith of Job, but when it came right down to it…could I? Could I hold on to that faith when He let something so dear be taken from me? Yes, I decided in that ER room today that YES…if that was what it was to come to, I was willing to let go of my baby and follow God’s lead. And THAT is why I think God had me go through this alone today. I wasn’t “alone”…HE was with me. Nurse after nurse asked me, “Don’t you have someone you could call?” As much as I wanted Mike there, God needed ME alone today. And God was faithful. After a VERY long day, everything is okay. I am to take it very easy for the next few weeks. I found out that I am only 5 1/2 weeks along (not as far as I originally thought) but I’M STILL PREGNANT! And for that I give God ALL the glory!